The Struggle Is Real - Day 4

This happens every time. I start a blog, or a newsletter, or a Facebook page. I have high hopes. I think of lots of topics, and then I freeze. I can write first drafts in my head for days, but I can't put anything on paper. I write and rewrite, prepping amazing essays. I talk it out with people, having the same conversations over and over. But when it comes to actually putting it out there, I seize up with fear. 

I am good at getting along with people. It is difficult to offend me. I listen to all opinions and am good at seeing your point of view, at really understanding where you are coming from. I give carefully worded answers to delicate questions and provide both sides of the debate in my responses. I try to get along with everybody, because I truly see all sides of the issue.

But when it comes to writing, I have to commit. I have to pick a side. No matter how much context I give, in the end I have to tell you what I believe. And that terrifies me.

It would be easier to keep my mouth shut. It would be easier to just talk to the people who know and love me. It would be easier to keep these thoughts in my head. I believe that would be cowardice. I believe I must speak up. At the risk of being exposed for who I am, I believe I must open up. This is the only way to be the best me that I can be. 

I don't want to offend. I don't want to hurt feelings or cause problems. I just want to talk. I want to discuss what I am feeling and thinking, what I see and believe. I just hope I can do it gracefully. I just hope I can do it with causing anger and pain. I just hope I can do it at all. 

I have stalled one more day, but soon I will actually have to put some substance in these posts. Thank you for sticking with me this far. Here we go. Vamonos!